Urkupina

Bolivia EXPAT Compatibility Test *** Test na boliwijskiego ekspatę

Zastanawiałeś/aś się kiedyś nad przeprowadzką do Boliwii? Wiem, że wiele osób o niej marzy, szczególnie tych, którzy już raz odwiedzili ten najbardziej ‘egzotyczny’ kraj Ameryki Południowej. Warto jednak pamiętać, ze Boliwia to nie tylko piękne krajobrazy, interesująca kultura i mili ludzie, których spotkało się na drodze podczas podroży, ale również proza życia, która wcześniej czy później dopada człowieka, który postanowił się tu osiedlić na stale. Jako ekspatka/imigrantka w Boliwii z ponad trzyletnim stażem, często słyszę pytanie typu: ‘czy łatwo się żyje w Boliwii?’. Sama nie potrafię jednoznacznie odpowiedzieć na to pytanie, postanowiłam więc przygotować mały test, który pozwoli wam ocenić, czy nadajecie się na boliwijskiego ekspatę, lub ściślej mówiąc, ekspatę w Boliwii. Test trzeba traktować oczywiście z przymrużeniem oka, ale na pewno daje on do myślenia.

Have you ever thought about moving to Bolivia? I know a lot of people who dream of it, especially those who once visited this most ‘exotic’ country of South America. However, it must be remembered that Bolivia is not only a country of agreat beauty, interesting culture and friendly people met on the road, but also the prose of life, that sooner or later will catch up with everyone who decides to stop by for longer. As an expat / immigrant in Bolivia with 3 years of experience, I have often heared a question: ‘is it easy to live in Bolivia?’. I can’t give a definite answer, so I decided to prepare a small test that will allow you to assess whether you are fit to be the Bolivian expat or, to be more exact, an expat in Bolivia or not. Of course, you must take the test with a grain of salt, but it certainly will give you some food for thought.

Boliwia jest doskonałym miejscem emigracji, jeżeli…/ Bolivia is a great place to emigrate, if …

1. Lubisz tropikalny i wilgotny, umiarkowany i suchy lub zimny klimat (niepotrzebne skreślić) / You like the tropical and humid, temperate and dry or cold climate (check the most appropriate)

Cochabamba

2. Delektujesz się prostym jedzeniem – kolbą kukurydzy, kawałkiem suchego mięsa i jajkiem w skorupce lub jesteś wegetarianinem. (Weganie też dadzą radę, jeżeli lubią gotować!) / You enjoy the simple food – corn on the cob, a piece of dry meat and egg in the shell or … you’re a vegetarian. (Vegans should also make it if they like cooking!)

Toro Toro

3. Uwielbiasz wielkie parady tradycyjnych tańców, kolorowe kostiumy i monotonną acz skoczną muzykę / You love the big parades of traditional dances, colorful costumes and lively yet monotonous music.

Urkupina

4. Uwielbiasz odwiedzać miejsca nieskażone cywilizacją – pustynie, góry, stepy czy dżunglę / You love to visit places unspoiled by civilization – deserts, mountains, plains or jungle.

Samaipata

5. Interesujesz się przyrodą. Lubisz podglądać leniwce na wolności  i nie mdlejesz na widok ogromnego insekta w twoim pokoju, dzieląc swoją prywatną przestrzen z mrowkami / You are interested in nature. You like watching sloths in the wild and don’t faint at the sight of a huge insect in your room, shearing your personal space with ants on a daily basis.

DSCN0813

6. Nie widzisz sensu uprawy roślin doniczkowych, kiedy te rosną sobie jakby nigdy nic pod twoim oknem. I to co najmniej 10X większe niż u mamy w domu / You don’t see the point to cultivate pot plants when they grow under your window. And at least 10X bigger than those back home.

Santa Cruz

7. Lubisz miasta pełne zieleni z parkiem pośrodku zamiast cementowego skweru / You do like cities full of greenery, with a big park in the middle, instead of cement square.

8. Nie przeszkadza ci to, że nie rozumiesz niemal polowy tego, co do ciebie mówią miejscowi. Ważne, ze są uśmiechnięci i kontaktowi:) / It doesn’t bother you when you don’t understand almost half of what the locals are saying to you. What important is that they are smiling :)

Cbba

9. Nie przeszkadza ci wszechobecny hałas, o każdej porze dnia i nocy / You don’t mind the omnipresent noise at any time of day or night.

10. Nie gniewasz się, nie stresujesz, kiedy ktoś kolejny raz omal nie przejechał ciebie na pasach (kiedy to ty miałeś zielone światło) / You don’t stress out when someone again almost run you over on the zebra crossing (when you had the green light).

11. Z jakiegoś powodu lubisz stać w kolejkach (bo nie pracujesz, masz dużo czasu, bo można poznać nowych ludzi, pogadać, wymienić doświadczeniami – niepotrzebne skreślić / For some reason, you like to stand in line (because you’re not working, have lot of spare time, because you can meet new people, chat, exchange experiences etc.

12. Jesteś krótkowzroczny i nie zauważasz śmieci na ulicy czy ludzi śmieci wyrzucających lub… sam śmiecisz / You are shortsighted and do not notice the garbage on the streets or people throwing out that garbage or… you litter by yourself.

13. Lubisz  łamigłówki prawne, zapach kserowanych dokumentów i … wazelinę / You do like legal games, smell of copied documents and … vaseline.

14. Nie liczysz czasu, zegarek nosisz tylko dla ozdoby, wybierasz się wszędzie jak sojka za morze i tego samego oczekujesz od innych / You don’t count the time, wearing the watch just for decoration, being always late and expecting the same from the others.

15. Jesteś łapczywy na komplementy – nie ważne jakie, nie ważne od kogo, ważne by były, najlepiej poprzedzone gwizdami lub sam lubisz bezkarnie zaczepiac kobiety na ulicy / You are greedy for compliments – no matter what kind, no matter from whom, even better if they are preceded by whistles, or simply you like to harass women on the street and get away with it.

fot. Hakim Boulouiz

fot. Hakim Boulouiz

16. Lubisz bliski kontakt z drugim człowiekiem, szczególnie w autobusie miejskim / You do you enjoy close contact with another people, especially in a city bus.

17. Nie lubisz krytykowac czy zagracać sobie głowy problemami. Żyjesz chwilą i bierzesz życie takim, jakim jest / You don’t like to criticize and bother yourself with problems. You live a moment and take life as it is.

2

18. Zostajesz najlepszym przyjacielem każdego bezdomnego psiaka i kociaka, którego widzisz na ulicy.  Resztki z obiadu nigdy się nie marnują, czasem tylko zapodzieją się w twojej torebce / You become the best friend of every homeless pup and kitten you see on the street. Leftovers are never wasted, sometimes only get forgotten in your purse.

_MG_8431-2

19. Lubisz i chętnie uczestniczysz w cotygodniowych spotkaniach w rodzinnym gronie … mimo iż twoja własna rodzina została za oceanem / You enjoy and willingly participate in weekly family meetings … even though your own family stayed overseas.

Cochabamba

20. Jesteś emerytem z dobrą emeryturą/ pracownikiem zagranicznej firmy/ wolontariuszem/ zwycięzcą loterii/ lubiącym ryzyko inwestorem/ poszukiwanym przez Interpol/ hippisem/ lub człowiekiem, któremu dużo do szczęścia nie trzeba / You are already retired with a good pension / an employee of a foreign company / volunteer / lottery winner / risk-loving investor / wanted by Interpol / hippie / or a man who doesn’t need much to be happy.

English school

Wyniki/ Results:

1-5 odpowiedzi na ‘tak’ – daj sobie spokój i zostań w domu/ 1-5 responses to ‘yes’ – don’t bother and better stay home.

5-10 odpowiedzi na ‘tak’ – Boliwia będzie dla ciebie cudownym miejscem na wakacje/ 5-10 responses to ‘yes’ – Bolivia will be a wonderful holiday destination for you.

10-15 odp. na ‘tak’ – sprobuj! Wiza turytyczna wazna jest 3 miesiace, a to sporo czasu na rozpoznanie/ 10-15 resp. to ‘yes’: Give it a try! Bolivian tourist visa is valid for 3 months so you have some time to check it out.

15- 19 odp. na ‘tak’ – dasz rade! Jest szansa, ze Boliwia stanie się twoim nowym rajem na ziemi/ 15 to 19 resp. to ‘yes’ – you can do it! There is a chance that Bolivia will become your new paradise on earth.

20 odp. na ‘tak’ – człowieku! Jesteś w czepku urodzony i wszędzie ci będzie dobrze, szczególnie w Boliwii:)/ 20 resp. to ‘yes’ – Lucky man! You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and  you will be fine everywhere, especially in Bolivia :)

Cbba

Jaka jest ta ‘moja ekspacka Boliwia’, możecie się przekonać na stronach tego blogu. Boliwia, będąca moim domem przez ostatnie trzy lata, weszła mi w krew, czasem dodając energii, innym razem wprowadzając w stan anemii czy szaleństwa. Boliwia jest różnorodna i zaskakująca, ale nie jak pudelko czekoladek Foresta Gumpa, ale raczej słój magicznych słodyczy Harrego Pottera. Czasem trafi nam się smaczny cukierek, innym razem ohydny, ale zawsze jedyny w swoim rodzaju:) Boliwia jest unikalna, interesująca i piękna, ale również chaotyczna, dziwna i brzydka. To wszystko sprawia, że często w tym samym czasie, kocham ja jak i nienawidzę, ale nigdy nie pozostawia mnie ona znudzoną i obojętna.

You can find out about ‘my own expat experience in Bolivia’ on the pages of this blog. Bolivia, which was my home for the last three years, entered my bloodstream, sometimes adding energy, sometimes leaving me in a state of anemia or madness. Bolivia is diverse and surprising, but not like a box of chocolates of Forest Gump, but rather like a jar of magic sweets of Harry Potter. Sometimes we will get a delicious candy, sometimes disgusting, but always one of a kind :) Bolivia is unique, interesting and beautiful, but also chaotic, strange and ugly. Very often, I love and hate it at the same time, but Bolivia never leaves me bored or indifferent.

Ja jednak testu na ‘boliwijskiego’ ekspatę nie zdałam, choć z czasem, niektóre negatywne odpowiedzi z listy zamieniły się na ‘tak’:) Moja boliwijska emigracja uświadomiła mi, ze każde miejsce na świecie ma swoje plusy i minusy – i cale szczęście, inaczej byłoby nudno! W Boliwii przeszłam prawdziwą szkolę życia. Dzięki emigracji na koniec świata doceniłam rzeczy, które wcześniej uważałam za nieistotne, lepiej poznałam samą siebie i innych ludzi, dochodząc do wniosku, mój charakter jest bardziej kompatybilny z Europą niż Ameryką Łacińską. I bardzo zatęskniłam za rodziną i znajomymi, od których dzieliły mnie nie 2,5 godziny w samolocie, a 15 (nie licząc przesiadek)!

I, in the end, didn’t pass the Bolivia Expat Test, however with time, some negative responses from the list turned into ‘yes’ :) My Bolivian emigration made me realize that every place in the world has its pros and cons – and thanks God – otherwise it would be boring! In Bolivia I went through a real school of life. Thanks to emigration to the end of the world, I appreciated the things that before I took for granted. I got to know myself and other people better and came to the conclusion that my character is more compatible with Europe than Latin America. And what’s the most important – I really missed my family and friends from whom I wasn’t away by mare 2.5 hours by plane but 15 (not counting layovers)!

Poloca

Myślę, że ten cytat z jednej z ulubionej książek dzieciństwa ‘ Kometa nad Doliną Muminków’ Tove Jansson, jest najlepszym podsumowaniem mojej przygody z Boliwią / I think that this quote from one of my favorite childhood books ‘Comet in Moominland’ by Tove Jansson is the best summary to my  Bolivian adventure:

“Musisz udać się w długą podróż, zanim będziesz mogl naprawdę przekonać się, jak wspaniały jest dom.”

“You must go on a long journey before you can really find out how wonderful home is.”

Moja boliwijska odyseja może i dobiegła końca, ale przygoda z Boliwią wciąż trwa! Pozostają mi piękne wspomnienia, pamiątki, przyjaciele i znajomi oraz ten blog, który wciąż zamierzam kontynuować, rozwijać i pielęgnować.  Boliwia skradła bowiem moje serce (tak samo jak pewien pól-Boliwijczyk) i z cala pewnością będę do niej powracać od czasu do czasu. Na wakacje;)

My Bolivian odyssey may come to an end, but my Bolivian adventure is still going on! I have beautiful memories, souvenirs, friends and acquaintances, and this blog, that I intend to continue, develop and nurture. All because, Bolivia has stolen my heart (as one half-Bolivian did before) and I will certainly be back here from time to time. On holiday;)

aguas calientes

Gracias mi Bella Bolivia y nos vemos!

P.S. Jeżeli poważnie myślicie o przeprowadzce do Boliwii (na rok czy na stale) lub już tu jesteście, ale trochę zagubieni – zajrzyjcie do Facebookowej i anglojęzycznej grupy ‘Expats in Bolivia‘, która jest takim ekspackim przewodnikiem po Boliwii. Warto również jest zarejestrować się na stronie internetowej Internations.org, gdzie spotkacie ekspatów z całego świata, w tym z Boliwii. To właśnie dzięki Internations i comiesięcznym spotkaniom w Santa Cruz de la Sierra, poznaliśmy wielu cudownych ludzi, z których niektórzy zostali naszymi przyjaciółmi. (A młodszym  i bardziej rozrywkowym polecam Parlana – grupę młodzieży  spotykającą się w celu praktyki języków obcych i innych czynności z językami niezwiazanymi (w Santa Cruz/ La Paz/ Cochabambie).

P.S. If you’re thinking about moving to Bolivia (for a year or permanently), or you are already here, but a little confused – look for the Facebook English-speaking group ‘Expats in Bolivia’, which is kind of a advice forum about living in Bolivia. You can also register at the website Internations.org, where you can find expats from around the world, including Bolivia. Thanks to Internations and its monthly meetings in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, we met many wonderful people, some of whom became our good friends. (For younger and more party people there is a Parlana group, meeting in order to practice foreign languages and other things (in Santa Cruz / La Paz / Cochabamba). 

You Know You Live in Bolivia If/ When..?

”On living in Bolivia through the (winking) eyes of the expats”

[Polska wersja artykułu —> KLIK]

One day, Stephanie, fellow expat in Bolivia, asked on a Facebook page a simple question: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA, IF/WHEN…?, hoping for a bit of the laughter. And I must say, she hit BINGO, as her thread became probably one of the most popular in the history of the group!

Some people would say, that the question had triggered a wave of whining about living in Bolivian reality, but I see it differently – it rather exposed the little quirks that make our Bolivian experience unique, interesting and somewhat funny, as from the perspective of time, some things tend to look less serious or maybe we just got used to them? I compiled the answers (which sometimes contradict each other!) for you to get the feel of living in Bolivia, though some situations have to be lived to be fully understood :)

On food: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA, WHEN…?

  • …you eat bread and tea for breakfast and dinner [just like in Poland;]
  • Can’t imagine life without a water kettle
  • You send your teenage nephew to buy you beer
  • When you can have fresh squeezed Mandarin juice with breakfast almost every day and not break the bank
  • When against your better judgment you pronounce the word “HOTDOG”-“HAAADO” because it is the only way to actually be understood
  • When bananas from anywhere else just taste like cardboard
  • When you realize jam is ham and mermalada is your jelly and no one knows marmalade
  • When you get a 3 course lunch for 20bs
  • When you can’t get a damn beer at Easter
  • When suddenly you want to eat all things maracuya – yum!
  • When you are the only one at the table wondering why everyone prefers their cooked veggies served cold
  • When your Segundo [second course] includes 3 or even 4 different simple carbs
  • Comida rapida, pollos copacabana, comida medio rapida, pollos brosto, comida restaurant pollo pollo polloo [basically, chicken everywhere:]
  • Your local corner shop tells you the can of sardines you are buying is “original” leaving you wondering if fake sardines actually exist
  • Your president tells everyone that eating chicken turns you gay and that coca cola is for cleaning toilets (and is then photographed drinking coca cola)
  • When you can eat one of your favourite dishes, in a burger! Long live the trancapecho!
  • When saying you’re vegetarian is met with a look of horror and wonder, but mostly horror
  • When organic and free range is cheaper than anything
  • Eat locoto hot sauce and mayonaise on everything
  • When you are eating a nice lunch on a restaurant patio and someone walks up to you and asks if you want to buy a broom from them….
  • When you buy 3bs worth of bread to share with the street dogs along the way.

And last buy not least:

  • When you spend approximately 8000x more time on the toilet than before and bless the days you don’t feel at all unwell.

On lifestyle: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA IF/WHEN…?

  • You hear dynamite and fireworks and don’t even care to know who is protesting what this time
  • Every weekend is party time, loud music, block the roads and loads of cerveza
  • …and the neighbor’s fiesta goes until full blast until 6 AM, keeping you up, and you weren’t even invited!
  • You start showing up 2 hours late to parties knowing that you will still be the first ones to arrive but at least you wont have to wait for the host to get out of the shower or accompany them to IC Norte [supermarket]!
  • When you get used to the constant sound of dogs barking at midnight…and constant car alarms
  • When you learn to use a rubber squeegee on a broomstick and a cloth to mop the floors instead of an actual mop…
  • When in a school football game the fathers end up fighting, passion for the game
  • When if today there isn’t a feria [another fair], it’s a feriado [another bank holliday]!
  • When the cities come to life at night with more people out and about past 7 o’clock at night and more restaurants open than even in the day time
  • When friends come over for lunch and apologize that they have to leave early, 5 hrs. later.
  • When people are outside walking around in the streets everyday instead of living in their house glued to a tv most their life.

On economy: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When you get a 12-2 lunch break!! And you still can’t figure out how 6 hours of work results in good profits. And above all double auginaldo!! [actually, the day is still 8 h work, as you need to work later, buy yes, you get double pay at the end of each year;]
  • When you just bought 25 oranges for less than a dollar and you still say “yapame pues” [give me something extra] And, they do.
  • Where you have to stand in line forever when 3/4 of all bank workers are sitting around doing nothing!
  • When the desk worker says they just need one photocopy of this tramite [document] and you make 6! Just in case! Then find out you are still short 4!
  • When owning a business that the only service is selling photocopiest is a sustainable business
  • When you have your own casera [a seller at the market] who doesn’t charge you extra for being an extranjero [foreigner]
  • When you realize a system called anticretico where you pay 12months rent in advance and get the entire amount back when you finish your contract
  • When movie piracy is a legit business
  • When you buy something for three bs and they store doesn’t have change or gives you a candy instead
  • When you realize that 30 USD is actually quite a lot of money. Minimum wage is 250ish, a month
  • When you realize Bolivia is only a cheap place to live, if you eat offal and do without hot water or basic amenities. Then your 30 dollars doesn’t even feed your family for a day… and when you want to take your family to Spain, for a better life.

On transportation: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When you risk your life in a micro [bus] which is as old as your grandparents
  • When the man driving the mini [mini-van] drives 2 inches from the edge of the road and all you see is a thousand foot drop to certain death
  • When the micro driver ‘facebooks’ while driving
  • When it doesn’t matter how screwed your car is, provided the horn works
  • When you need to wait on the green light for all these speeding cars to pass and then you run across the street in between the cars that somehow managed to stop
  • When the traffic laws don’t apply as long as you have your hazards on
  • When you have learned to walk as far from puddles as humanly possible
  • When drivers going round a curve with no exit indicate yet never indicate when they are actually turning off at a junction
  • Taxis drivers tell you they aren’t going that way when you tell them the destination thus negating the whole idea of a taxi
  • When local authorities run of green lights for traffic lights so just install some blue ones instead as its close enough
  • When you see 20 people piled in the back of a pickup or a family of four on a motorbike
  • When you’re quietly walking on the sidewalk, and suddenly realize the micro driver has decided it’s HIS sidewalk!
  • When you order something online and you are not sure if its gonna get held up at the airport, at the post office, arrive at your house, or just disappear
  • You think a road with only a few potholes is a great road.

On traveling: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When you meet real witches in a witches market
  • When your amazed when you see the majestic Illimani [La Paz]
  • when you can cross through extreme economic differences in a matter of minutes
  • When you’ve “finished” seeing everything on the tourist trail and discover there is still 1000 and 1 amazing things left to experience
  • When you leave La Paz for Coroico and it’s like a whole different world – and so breathtaking [applies to every place outside the big cities]!
  • When you take an overnight trip on a bus and you have to go to the bathroom but can’t
  • When you get into a taxi to go from Samaipata to SCZ on New Year’s Day and you have to push the driver out of the driver’s seat and start to drive yourself because he is too drunk to do so himself….
  • When it is common to hear someone say “si, estoy llegando ahorita” [I am comming now] when you know they are still 20 miles away

On language & (tele)communication: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When Java script becomes ‘Hava’ script and you think its a new tech language
  • When good old Lama is now pronounced as ‘yaamaa’ (llama)
  • When y becomes e and e becomes i
  • When ‘Papa’ is not dad but potato.
  • My favourite people from Spain speak rubbish Spanish and Bolivians speak better
  • When your Skype call inadvertently stops and you realize your internet has ‘run out’
  • When people call YOU and ask “con quien hablo [who am I talking to]?”
  • You stop bothering to be polite and wait your turn in shops and start to just interrupt the sales person because you know that’s the only way they’ll actually serve you…
  • When you get a text from a stranger who bought your stolen iPhone and demands the password to unlock it. Bahahahaha!!!!!
  • When people use cell phones like cb radios holding it in front of their mouths to talk to it and then moving it to their ear to listen to the answer
  • When everyone’s reason for being late starts with “es que…” [the thing is]
  • And apologies are “vas a disculpar” Really? I am? I was so sure I wasn’t going to forgive you this time but gee since you are ordering me to…
  • When you spend over a year living without internet only to eventually get it, but it’s slow as shit
  • When you start typing your laughter on whatsapp as JAJa instead of Haha [jajaja]

On rules & law: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When it is considered a serious security offence if someone else comes up to the bank counter with you (because they have the details of the account you are sending money to) but its perfectly fine for a person in a full zebra suit to accompany an old person next to you without anyone blinking an eyelid;)
  • When this is a police photo fit sketch (that can be the cover of the book I reckon)

suspect in Bolivia

  • When for 200bs you can buy a fake law degree but 60% of the practicing lawyers didn’t bother
  • When you get out of a DUI with a 300bs bribe [that is actually a fine;]
  • When one of the most corrupt institutions in the country is the public university
  • When you wait in line in the morning to get a ficha [number] that allows you to wait in another line in the afternoon [applies to hospitals and immigration, etc.]
  • When you think you are ahead of the game, because you have a list of the things you need in a government office, given to you by an employee, and bring them all and find out that you should have also brought something else
  • When you buy a vehicle and find that you can not lift and carry all the paperwork that goes with it
  • When you get university credits for dancing in parades
  • When you can legaly ‘masticate’ (chew) coca leaves that give you a great kick of energy, make your mouth numb and eyes red;)

On street life: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When little kids take a pee right on the sidewalk in plain sight and nobody cares or even looks twice
  • When you can buy anything from house slippers to clothes, toys, anything for the house all on just a short walk to the store. Where almost every house is a store plus vendors lining the sidewalks
  • When your attempts of an urban jog always results in being chased by sheep, dogs, and your neighbors bent over in uncontrollable laughter!

On family: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN…?

  • When you start to see the beauty of placing family above all.

But the most honest answer to the question: YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN BOLIVIA WHEN? was:

  • When only expats are answering this post.

;)